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Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Absolutely Insane Movie Posters

Full Moon High - I am not afraid gurning Werewolfs who have less hair than just one of Robin Williams hands. As such I am not afraid of you gurning Werewolf man.

Motel Blue - I am however slightly afraid of this. Why is there an eye floating in the back ground? Why the purple when the motel is blue? Prince must run this hotel, and he's watches you. With his one eye?

The Day Of The Dolphin - I'm sorry what? You unwittingly trained a dolphin to kill the president? I'm trying to figure out the logistics of this but my brain just melted into my dolphin friendly tuna sandwich. I'm sorry George C Scott but you are a liar.

Forced Vengeance - Ah this is more like it. Chuck Norris is a walking weapon that never misses. Damn straight. I can imagine Chuck outling his thoughts for the poster "It needs to have me, smashing through a window landing an elbow drop on the title, snapping it in half with lots of mini-me's kick the crap out of people". Every single movie exec in the room nods in agreement. And rightly so.

Yogi Bear - Yogi, what are you doing to Boo Boo? What does that tag line say again "Great things come in Bears". Dear God Boo Boo, NOOOOooooooooo!

Heavy Petting - Photoshop at its worst. Exactly just what is the purpose of that dog and why is its tongue licking its own face?

Radioactive Dreams - I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Death Cage - This mortal knows combat. Apparently. The fact that he actually looks like he's in a hamster wheel with spikes being attached by kung fu midgets makes this cage seem less frightening.

Paternity - That's right, Burt Reynolds want YOU to have his baby. This sounds more like a direct order that a request which would make it ..... well errrr rape? I just lost a lot of respective for you Burt Reynolds.

Shamus - And then you go and redeem yourself by becoming a topless hitman. God bless you Burt Reynolds.

Hooper - Arrraghh my eyes, my beautiful eyes, the blue, the blue. What now Burt? Oh your the greatest stuntman alive? Cool. You know every summer I'd been thinking "something's missing" but couldn't put my finger on it. Now I know, its Burt Reynolds.

Bullitt (Germany) - I'm too terrified to write anything.

Star Wars (Russia) - Whoever decided to make Darth Vader some weird robotic disco puma needs therapy. Seriously can anyone make any sense of this? Thought not.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (Turkey) - I know lets put random Jack Nicholson bits from each of his other movies on this poster but none from the actual film its supposed to be advertising. Yeah that makes sense. Also how the hell did Christopher Lee and zombies get in there?

Up The Sandbox - No, me neither.

Once Crazy Summer - Jack Nicholson as the Sun. WTF?

Raiders Of The Lost Ark (Poland) - Going forward Indy has been turned into some weird strategic Flowchart. Still for foreign movie posters this isn't that bad.

Gremlins - This, on the other hand, is. Angry green triangles on springs steal man who wears a santa mask's hat.

I don't know what film this is from, all I know is that I want to be that man. Nails.


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