The U.S. military makes a scarred bounty hunter with warrants on his own head an offer he cannot refuse: in exchange for his freedom, he must stop a terrorist who is ready to unleash Hell on Earth.
Review
This won't take long. This won't take long at all.
I'm pretty much duty bound to bring you a review of films I see, I mean what's the point of running a film website if you don't report your views on the films you see? Well I saw Jonah Hex, and I most certainly cannot un-watch it. This I know for a fact.
What a mess of a film. From what could be a promising premise, adapted from a well heralded comic book comes a film that is so out of tune with it's target audience it's almost embarrassing to sit through the thing. An important fact to note, this doesn't just ring true for the audience, this goes for the cast as well.
There is nothing about this film to like, nothing, nada, zip, zero. The story, the characters, the scenery, the text used in the credits, the music the .... the ..... anything. It fails on every level and then some.
I'm not going to go too much into plot but suffice to say this is a revenge flick. Although not much revenge takes place. Jonah Hex see's his family murdered and sets out to kill the man behind it all. Oh a twist is that, due to some Indian ritual, he can talk to dead people. Which he does as little as possible and proves useless anyhow. Anyway he finds said man and kills him. The end. That isn't a spoiler its a get out clause for watching this piece of shit.
The runtime may only be 80 odd minutes but boredom makes it feel like at least ... oh .... three weeks?
Absolutely everyone involved in this should be embarrassed. Its incoherent, has no direction and went through numerous re-writes that the only person who would accept directing it was some animation guy from Finding Nemo.
If anything you've got to watch this for John Malkovich's reaction to proceedings. Throughout the entire film he looks bored and really, really dis-interested. honestly its the most "I really don't want to be here" performance I've ever seen. Megan Fox is just angry, and I mean angry and poor old Josh Brolin just goes with the flow. To his credit he does try but god what a wasted effort.
Just give this a wide berth and watch something else. You know that oddly shaped toenail you have on your left foot? Watch that instead. Trust me, time will fly quicker than this mess of a film.
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